PULP’s top 8 moments that made you say “OK Boomer”
Words by James Newbold
Being a boomer isn’t just about age. It’s the mindset of clinging to values of discrimination that dominate the history of western liberal democracies. Increasingly, young people have had enough of being patted on the head and given an “OK kiddo” when we suggest we would like affordable housing or a planet to live on. Worse, climate justice activists are now under threat of being banned by Scott Morrison’s Liberal-National government.
1. Getting THIS text from a parent
It’s always disappointing when your parents become the stale, conservative elder figures they themselves once loathed. Throw in some anti-climate protest sentiment, a typo and impact font memes from 2011 and you’ve got a real case of the booms on your hands. OK boomer.
2. “Just walk in, hand in your resume, and start work the next day. It’s THAT easy! Also, rent is dead money so just buy a place.”
Why read The Barefoot Investor when you can talk to literally any boomer. Not only have they all already read it, but they have a lifetimes experience of a comparatively generous welfare state, secure employment, and for many even a completely free tertiary education. Having completed on average 287 games of Monopoly per boomer, it is little wonder that they make up most of our grubby landlords. OK boomer.
3. Our generation being lectured about “lacking religious values”…
Apparently we are more ungodly than the generation that spawned neoliberalism and the Vietnam War – go figure. Whether it’s a pointed “praying for you” in a birthday card or the dms, your family writing in your religion on the census, or the blabbering of homophobic politicians, all our generation hath been smited with this accusation. Having a deity doesn’t mean you aren’t a dick, OK boomer?
4. …only for grandpa’s phone to go off at MAX volume in the middle of a religious funeral!
Go OFF, grandpa. Wait, no, not like that! Beg God that another Zoomer in your family gets dubbed “the good-at-technology one” so you aren’t charged with turning off your grandparents’ phone every time they enter a movie theatre or church. Perhaps we should become religious, even if only to pray that boomers never discover the alarm function on their mobiles. OK boomer.
5. “That’s not music!”
As any reputable news source will tell you, rap isn’t music. In fact, any music with electronics is garbage. Unless of course it has electric guitars. Sorry, Rage Against The Machine doesn’t count. NO, Old Town Road is still bad. UGH. Unlike us simple-minded hoodlums, boomers listen to BOTH kinds of music: country AND bluegrass. OK boomer.
6. Facebook rants defending George Pell and complaining about the number of genders (ALWAYS IN CAPS-LOCK)
ZOOMMERS THES DAYS JUST CANNT SEEM TO HANDEL REALITYE!!1! IN OUR DAY WE GOT TRUTHE SMACKEDD INTO US AT SCHOOL,,., WHOSE WITH ME?! ALSO HI ELEANOR HOPE THE GRANDKIIDS ARE WELL DID YOU HEAR ABOUT GEORGE PELLLLL.. BLOODY DISGRACE. OK boomer.
7. When someone replies “OK boomer” to something that is not boomer content
Most people getting angry at the “OK boomer” trend are conservatives, old people, and especially conservative old people. Sometimes someone you thought was a fellow Zoomer turns around and betrays you, like Anakin to Obi-Wan in Star Wars Episode 3, or Anthony Albanese to being left-wing. With an emerging discourse around the use of “OK boomer” by white zoomers to brush over racism, keep in mind: you either die a zoomer, or screw up and see yourself become the boomer you despise. That would be a boomer move. Ok boomer.
8. THIS New York Times article
IT’S WAR, THEN. This article probably wasn’t even written by an older boomer but rather a younger sympathiser. When the revolution comes, it is these traitors who will be first against the wall. Asta la vista, boomers.
