Overthinking: Swimming Dilemmas

I wonder if I will find a free locker today. Ideally, I’d like to find one that is at eye level because I don’t want to bend down or have to tippy-toe. 

What if the locker won’t lock and I will have to move all my stuff to another locker after having stored everything? 

No no, that won’t do. Should I use the bathroom before I undress? Otherwise, I will have to remove my shoes and the floor is dirty and ew, there is hair, and I don’t want to walk on it barefoot. 

Did I bring hair conditioner? What if my goggles fog up today? Do I need to tighten them before I get in? 

Can other people see the years of scars from falls and trips and stumbles on my knees? Surely, they can. 

Why would they notice though? Everyone is busy focusing on themselves. I need to stop thinking people are even looking at me. Stop being so selfish. Stop thinking. Okay, I hope I can find an empty lane. 

Deep breaths… I hate walking barefoot. I should really bring slippers to the pool. But the walk back home in slippers would slow me down. I am many things but NOT slow.

Alright, which lane do I pick? 

Sigh, how I wish I could magically make a lane appear just for me to swim in.

Well, this first lane has someone swimming really fast and that could work… but what if I can’t keep up the pace? Then he will eventually catch up to me and either he will have to swim around me and then I would be an inconvenience, or he will slow down behind me and I just know he will secretly hate me. 

Perhaps no fast lanes. I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on myself. 

Slow lane? But then I would have to constantly swim around the people in the slow lane.

I look straight down when I swim and I don’t want to accidentally hit someone’s foot. I hated when that happened last time. 

Goddammit, this should not be that hard, just swim. Okay, the medium lane it is, the girl swimming here seems to be okay. Not too slow, not too fast. 

Am I the… Goldilocks of swimming? 

Now I just have to slowly get in the water but I’ll wait for her to start her lap so I have time to get in, I don’t want her to collide with me. By the time she’s at the other side I’ll have acclimatised and we can be perfectly paced to never collide. Like ships in the night. Okay, I can start now. Good start, I’m getting into a groove. Just one arm after the other. Hmm. Do the other swimmers know that I am probably not that good? 

Are the coaches laughing at my form? No one is thinking about me, it’s okay. Breathe. Should I count my laps? Or will I get more tired if I count? 

I really should swim more often and be able to do a hundred laps. If only I had more discipline, I would have better form. 

I am a fraud. 

Oh yay, she is leaving now, I will have the lane to myself and I can swim calmly. 

Zen. Easy. Look at me, the pinnacle of all things good and balanced. 

I love having a lane to mysel— oh god there’s a man looking for a lane to swim in. DON’T PICK MY LANE. Should I pretend to be super slow to deter him? Or super fast? Do a butterfly stroke like a total maniac? 

This is the problem, I am the problem. I envy those who can just close their eyes and swim. 

Designed by Sophie Wishart