White Girls Guide To: Love and Heartbreak
Words by Elaine Jackson
There’s no greater feeling than a new love. You found your campus crush, made your move, and you feel like you’ve found the one. The honeymoon period of any new relationship is incredible; it’s like getting your free Access coffee mixed with pulling a HD on a pass-worthy assignment. All you want to do is play ‘My Boo’ all day every day, make eyes at them awkwardly in the lawbry and walk to Redfern with them instead of taking your usual bus to Central. Suddenly, your life is actually becoming your 15-year-old self’s dream! Until… it’s not.
But They Don’t Even Like Me Back!
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, and I’ll say it again: shoot your shot! It’s 2018 babe, we don’t wait around for what we want anymore! You want to ask out that guy from your tute? Do it! That girl in line at Courtyard caught your eye? Go up and say hi! Saw a cutie in a revue? Compliment them on their performance (they LOVE compliments).
Sure, it’s easier said than done, but once you start? Honey, you’re more unstoppable than an SRC candidate on the last day of voting (unless you’re Reboot, sorry not sorry). Ease into it with Bumble or Tinder and get used to making the first move before approaching people in person. On a night out? Alcohol is an incredible social lubricant! In a tutorial? Strategically sit near them for optimum small-group discussion. Communication is key, and it’s your only way in.
Ah, The Thrill of New Love
Finding a bae on campus is an ideal move. All of a sudden, you go from sitting alone in Courtyard at peak lunch hour to becoming one of the Law Lawns PDA couples you previously despised (I mean, seriously? Law Lawns? At least take it to Victoria Park, ugh). Or maybe they go to college, and instantly your body is running on Ralphs coffee and nothing else. Maybe they’re an Engo student and embrace study dates like never before.
Found a honey off campus? Be prepared to work a little harder; you might not have the convenience of aligning timetables, a handful of cafes on campus, and mutual lecturers to complain about, but you do have determination and a huge mobile data plan. Find your overlapping free-time and squeeze every precious moment out of it.
But What Do We Do Now?
The Honeymoon phase inevitably ends, and suddenly your relationship feels like it’s slowing down. For some, this is great! You’re settling into a longer-term commitment with your boo, and every day you’re learning something new. For others, this is bad! You feel like you’re settling into the relationship and turning into an old married couple.
My advice? Decide what you want sooner rather than later. If you and your bae are happy and on the same page, that’s great! But if you’re not feeling it 100%, let them go. Fortunately, there’s no census date on relationships.
We Broke Up L
The day came, and your relationship ended. Or maybe that cutie you were into cuffed up with someone else. Or maybe your foreign exchange crush went back home. I’ve been there (for literally all those examples and more), and it sucks. But honestly? Nothing I can say will make you feel better. Heartbreak is a pretty inevitable part of life, but there are a few things that’ll ease the sting a little.
First things first: take as long as you think you need to get all the tears out. Find a friend/family member/roommate/work bestie/gym buddy/lecturer/whoever makes you feel loved, and cry to them for as long as you need. If you don’t need to cry, that’s OK too! Let yourself feel however you want.
Next: recovery. After the initial shock wears off, you start adjusting back to the way you were before. Maybe that means focusing more on your assignments or working out more. Finding a healthy distraction can be a wonderful thing.
Finally, remember that a breakup and heartache isn’t the end of the world. Take it from someone who falls in love with a new boo every day – liking people makes us human, and it makes us good. Liking someone means you see the good qualities in them, and seeing the good in others helps us see the good in ourselves.