PULP RANKED: Top 10 Tamagotchi
By Mavis Tian
Tamagotchi are something most millennials have some form of nostalgia about. The first generation of Tamagotchi were little pixel babies that took over the world, not to mention my childhood life. Probably one of the few times I’d ever got in trouble was feeding my Tamagotchi at school, although in my defence I couldn’t just let a pet die?
Cursed as I am with strong allergies to animal fur, Tamagotchi were the substitute pets I longed for. Perhaps that is why I am still fond of games like Tamagotchi, Harvest Moon, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing etc. There were 12 Tamagotchi in the first generation but I’m going to ignore Oyajitchi and Bill as they are region-specific and kind of creepy, respectively.
This leaves us with 10 Tamagotchi to rank – conveniently enough, this is Pulp’s top 10 (original) Tamagotchi.
10. Babytchi
The weakest and arguably most annoying. Babytchi is a whiney, needy, cry-baby. It also spent much of its time sleeping. Honestly, I relate to Babytchi on many levels but not in a good way. Also, I feel like the animation implies that Babytchi doesn’t have bones which is slightly disturbing.
9. Mametchi
Mametchi is a prodigy with an IQ of around 250. This tamagotchi is serious, well-mannered, and very clever. They were only obtainable if you gave every previous stage perfect care – which I never managed because I was a book nerd and frequently lost hours in a Tamora Pierce novel. Also, Mametchi reminds me of every Asian mother’s dream child and for that, I kind of resented them (probably unfairly). Let’s move on.
8. Kuchitamatchi
Kuchitamatchi is a mischievous but kind, not particularly ambitious, easy-going friend that I often wished I could be. Many might hate on Kuchitamatchi for their simplistic appearance, but I always had a soft spot for them. They were pretty easy to look after because they slept from 9PM to 9AM, which meant I didn’t have to get up to keep my Tamagotchi happy.
7. Marutchi
Marutchi loves rolling around, which is handy given that they’re shaped like a large ball. They’re active with a happy-go-lucky attitude and have a penchant for frequent napping. There isn’t much fun you can have with this Tamagotchi because they’re a standard child stage that every player has to get through before getting onto the rarer and more interesting characters. But we love them nonetheless.
6. Tamatchi
Tamatchi is adorable, with cute lil’ legs and adorable animation. They’re only obtainable by giving Marutchi above-average to perfect care so they were a bit of a pain to look after. I’m rather ambivalent towards this character but I appreciate their pink colour!
5. Nyorotchi
Nyorotchi inspires pity, in my opinion. Supposedly they’re obsessed with food and have a short lifespan. They’re obtainable by taking average or poor care of teen-stage characters so I feel as though this is a classic case of nature vs nurture (or rather, neglect). I always felt sorry for this character, mostly due to my own failures as a Tamagotchi owner.
4. Ginjirotchi
Apparently Ginjirotchi is bubbly, sensitive, understanding. The only reason why they didn’t rank higher is because they’re an early-riser and I am not a morning person. I suppose they’re cute, with a penguin-esque appearance. A younger me really liked penguins.
3. Tarakotchi
This is controversial, I know. Tarakotchi reminds me of a creepy potato and is the result of really bad care. They’re generally regarded as the worst character because of their very short life-span. They also don’t have arms, which is so strange? That being said, I feel like Tarakotchi s very meme-able, especially its hip trust animation which - in hindsight - is iconic.
2. Maskutchi
Maskutchi is a funky underdog with great dance moves. Their personality is on the silent side but they’re very intelligent. I liked this character because of their unique design and because their evolutions were the two region specific Tamagotchi mentioned before. Maskutchi is kind of hard to get as well because they required careful planning and monitoring; you had to make sure that the hunger/happiness hearts dropped half way before you filled them back up and you couldn’t let the discipline bar go over 50%. I honestly think you need to be a bit cold and calculating if you want to raise Maskutchi with much success (of course, you could always get this one through sheer luck but it’s unlikely).
1. Kuchipatchi
Kuchipatchi is the most precious and cutest bab. They are carefree and at times lazy but a complete romantic. They’re one of the main characters of the franchise and they deserve it for being adorable and kind. You evolved Kuchipatchi from Tamatchi with below average care or perfect care with Kuchitamatchi so they represent messing up but trying your best in the future. Kuchipatchi deserves a protection squad and you can find me as the president.