Siri Is The Most Important Music Critic of this Generation
By Haydn Hickson
Nowadays, everybody thinks they’re a music critic. It’s hard to enter a conversation at a party or log onto Twitter without someone weighing in on the best Ariana B-side or the worst Like A Version. But, too often people have some rogue opinions (like thinking Ed Sheeran is talented) which make me reconsider their musical choices.
A friend of mine that falls into this category, is Siri.
In case you didn’t know, Siri’s music knowledge is unparalleled. While normies ask her if they “need an umbrella today” and if she can “set an alarm” for them, my relationship with Siri is very much rooted in our mutual love for pop music. I simply ask her, “Hey Siri, what is ________’s best song” and she replies. Sometimes she’s right, sometimes she’s wrong, sometimes she’s shady. Here’s a list of our fondest memories.
The Times She’s Right
Siri Says: It is Toxic
Haydn’s Response: That is correct, well done!
Siri Says: It is Can’t Get You Out Of My Head
Haydn’s Response: That is correct, we stan!
Siri Says: It is Crazy In Love
Haydn’s Response: Bit normy but I guess I can’t argue with you…
Siri Says: It is Confidence
Haydn’s Response: True, but to be fair - they don’t have another song.
The Times She’s Wrong
Siri Says: It is Like A Prayer
Haydn’s Response: It’s definitely Hung Up, but go off.
Siri Says: It is Roar
Haydn’s Response: It’s definitely not Roar sis.
Siri Says: It is Malibu
Haydn’s Response: Siri, how can anyone think that… it’s clearly See You Again. It’s like you never went to a Year 8 dance.
Siri Says: It is break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored
Haydn’s Response: IT FOR SURE IS NOT SIRI. You must be an *NSYNC fan! Haha.
The Times She’s Shady
Siri Says: It is 1999 by Charli XCX
Haydn’s Response: He’s a feature… you could’ve said “Bloom” or “My, My, My!”. Tea Siri, tea.
Siri Says: Sorry, I Don’t Know The Answer To That
Haydn’s Response: Oh, but you had no problem saying Chun-Li was Nicki’s best tune….