White Girls Guide To: Campus Crushes
Words by Elaine Jackson
Sydney University’s campus is an interesting ecosystem full of potential — from the sensitive baes who study in the Fine Arts library to the cute-because-they’re-talented Revue cast members; USyd is thriving with cuties. Here are the top five campus crushes you’ll have during your degree.
You’re lying to yourself if you’ve never thought about hooking up with a law student. There’s something about the huge ego, comprehensive Ralph Lauren wardrobe, and the illusion of intelligence that really just gets you going — even if they transferred from Arts. Bonus points if they have a boat/car worth more than your house and occasionally write for Honi Soit.
Dating an Engineering student is like being in a long-distance relationship; you rarely see them, physical intimacy is not a strong suit, and somehow you end up having FaceTime study dates. But, it’s a long-term play; just think about all that bullshit about Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs your unmarried, perpetually-single aunt told you – “nerds are the new jocks!!! Date a nerd haha you’ll get so rich!!!”
Want to marry rich, settle down, and become a North Shore MILF/DILF? Bag a Commerce student and you’re 99% of the way there. Sure, you’ll have to deal with their incessant reminders that they do study commerce; but you’ll have access to their Daddy’s gold AMEX. Gucci wallet for your birthday? No problem. Private jet to Milan for winter break? Done. The world is a Commerce Bae’s oyster.
Sure, the charm of a foreign accent is almost irresistible, but avoid Exchange Bae at all costs; they’re here for a good time, not a long time. Whether they’re a frat boy from the USA, a Berlin native who’s definitely been to Berghain, or a Seoul local who casually mentions they personally know every member of BIGBANG, having a crush on an Exchange Bae is undeniably playing with fire. Just think about the repercussions; nobody likes a tearful goodbye at Sydney Airport, and time differences are a bigger pain in the ass than TurnItIn.
Getting roped into student politics is an easy, yet very slippery slope, to slide down. You’ll dedicate ungodly hours to an often-unsuccessful campaign, and for what? The opportunity to catch the only cutie in the campaign team. There’s something appealing about someone who will voluntarily kick over an opposing A-Frame, and spend all their money on Courtyard’s daily special pizza. Extra credit if they’re a Lib and you’re Groots!
Bonus Crushes: the weirdly hot barista from Courtyard, your history tutor, the rebellious Arts student studying in Lawbry, and whoever delivers your UberEats to Fisher library any time past 10pm.