White Girls Guide to First Year
WORDS BY ELAINE JACKSON
They say university is the time you truly find yourself. For many of us, it’s the first time we cut loose as adults and finally get a little taste of what our teachers/parents/Sydney Morning Herald editors have been telling us for years. Which is why I’m here - the most basic of the bitches, queen of the tragic, the Ultimate White Girl. Think of me as your spirit guide, a la The Janitor in Seventeen Again (don’t lie to me, I know you’ve seen it. Zac Efron in that transformation scene, need I say more?). Grab your all-white Stan Smiths, shimmy into that denim skirt, and make your parents proud by actually wearing the fake Ray Ban’s you bought on your Schoolies trip to the GC.
O-Week is Over: Now What?
The infamous tradition of O-Week has now passed us by for another year, and now it’s time to focus on the semester ahead. Most importantly, it’s time to focus on this first week of semester. It’s make or break; there will never be this many people at your lectures again, so everything matters. From who you sit with, to the clothes you wear, to where you stand in the Taste v Courtyard debate, it’s a make or break for your social standing at Usyd. You want to be a BNOC? Start now, darling. *
Welcome Drinks, Parties, and Pub Crawls, Oh My!
You had a taste of what was to come at the O-Week Manning parties, but buckle up honey. The first few weeks of semester are some of the busiest, with different clubs and societies hosting everything from welcome drinks, to back-to-uni parties, to pub crawls. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone – even SubSki, who didn’t return to O-Week yet remain a favourite amongst white girls, host a welcome back party!
Go to as many events as you can, plaster it across your social media (rethink Snapchat though, who even uses it now that Queen Kylie denounced its worth?), and make sure all your friends at UNSW know you’re having a way better time than they are. Don’t worry, you’ll be surrounded by what you know: people getting drunk off one Vodka Redbull, DF hookups, and music that could be straight out of a Greenwood Thursdays set.
Ugh, Do I Even Need to go to Lectures?
We all know the feeling of a 9AM Monday lecture; the worst form of pain, and the feeling like no number of almond milk iced mochas can get you through. 9am lectures, much like overpriced textbooks from the Co-Op bookshop, are simply tools of deception. We use them to fool our parents into thinking we’re actually doing something productive and not just racking up a huge HECS debt.
It goes the same every semester; you buy your textbooks, slip them into your fake Michael Kors shoulder bag, and never pull them out during the day. Similarly, you tell your parents you’re going to your 9am lecture, get off the train at Redfern, and somehow find yourself at Henry Lee’s for breakfast. Brunch always tops books.
So grab your fake Gucci slides, pick up an overpriced almond milk mocha, and get yourself to class. It’s going to be a long semester, but I’ll be here to guide you through it. Enjoy your first few weeks back, and I’ll catch you at Courtyard for over-priced food and a raspberry lemonade.
*For the uninitiated, BNOC stands for Big Name On Campus. Welcome to White Girl 1001.