10 LGBT Anthems Straight People Need to Memorise Before Going to Mardi Gras
WORDS BY HAYDN HICKSON
Someone tell Kendrick Lamar to sit down, and someone tell Gang of Youths to retreat back to the frankest shadows, because it’s that time of year where we turn off triple j and blast them POP BANGERS. Thank GOD.
If you’ve been so caught up finalising your shitty, mediocre, alternative top 10 playlists for the hottest 100, and you’ve forgotten what real music sounds like, HAVE NO FEAR. On behalf of the gays, I am here to help. Below is a list of 15 of the greatest songs of all time, that I guarantee will surely evoke #gayscreaming at your Mardi Gras pres.
So, download these bangers and memorise these lyrics, so that you’re ready for the gayest and most fabulous Mardi Gras EVER.
1. Believe – Cher
Kicking off the list is the inventor of auto-tune and queen of the gays, Cher. If you were one of the lucky few to secure a ticket to her performance at the parade’s after-party, she is guaranteed to tear the house down with this cover of this DMA’s classic.
2. Sissy That Walk – Rupaul
Hello, Hello, Hello! If you have Netflix and not Stan, this one may be new to you. However, never underestimate the power of Mama Ru to send the gays into a frenzy. So, make sure you flex your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent on that dancefloor, and may the best woman, win.
3. Run Away with Me – Carly Rae Jepsen
Some people know Ms Jepsen as the singer behind 2012’s one-hit-wonder ‘Call Me Maybe’, others know her as the underrated pop star that made a better album than 1989, but the LGBT community know her as the Queen of millennial twinks. Come THRU with them synths iCarly x
4. I’m Coming Out – Diana Ross
Queen Diana Ross (played by Beyoncé in Dreamgirls and Bebe Zahara Benet in every episode of All Stars 3) is here and QUEER with a guaranteed dancefloor filler. This groovy, soulful 80’s banger is the perfect soundtrack to strut out of that closet to hunt.
5. Who Do You Think You Are – Spice Girls
So basically, the Spice Girls invented pop music. Thus, it wouldn’t be a proper Mardi Gras without a little Spice flavouring. It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you’ve come from, it’s all about having a good time. Spice Up Your Life babies!
6. Born This Way – Lady Gaga
Not only is this track the only song to have been performed at the Superbowl and mention the word ‘transgender’, but this electropop bop is likely to be your GBF’s coming-out song. Released 7 years ago, 2011 saw gay culture explode onto the billboard charts thanks to Ms Gaga, and the gays have stuck by her ever since. Yes, even through ARTFLOP. #NoShade
7. Freedom! ’90 – George Michael
You know how you have Shawn Mendes and Nick Jonas as your sex gods… well we have the objectively sexier, absolute daddy George Michael. We win. Legendary in his music and lyrics, this man’s legacy will never be forgotten.
8. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
So yes, this song is a break-up song. But on the night of Mardi Gras, just you watch all the gays read their high-school bullies to absolute filth as they vogue the house down to this firecracker of a tune.
9. Greedy – Ariana Grande
While this Dangerous Woman highlight brings the funk harder than Bruno Mars ever did, this banger happens to be the soundtrack to one of the greatest tragedies to ever hit reality TV. So, if the DJ wants to change it, simply request “I’d like to keep it on please”.
10. Dancing Queen – ABBA
No matter your gender, we’re all dancing queens this Saturday.