White Girls Guide to: Courtyard Café

WORDS BY ELAINE JACKSON

Ah, Courtyard. Home of Meco and Arts students, stupol hacks, and the occasional academic, Courtyard is one of the few cafes on campus that has more than 20 seats. It’s the place to go to see and be seen; it’s a one-stop-shop for BNOC spotting. Even though the pizza’s overpriced and the pasta’s weirdly oily, Courtyard is the place on campus for White Girls. Sure, it’s completely out of the way unless you have a class in John Woolley, but the social benefits are unparalleled.

Please, the coffee there sucks!

I know what you’re all thinking: the coffee at Courtyard tastes like a cross between dirty dishwater and battery acid. Trust me, I get it. Why do you think I only drink iced mochas with almond milk? Courty’s appeal is not in the coffee, it’s in the social capital. You don’t go to Courtyard to get in a good hit of caffeine to curb your mid-week slump; you go to Courtyard to be seen. Every BNOC of Usyd is there, honey, and if you’re trying to get in with them before 21st season, Courtyard is the place to be.

But everything’s way overpriced!

If you’re anything like me, you’re trying to save all your pennies for #EuroSummer2018 – and for many of us, this means cutting back on our daily coffee’s and embracing a BYO-lunch attitude. Girl, I get it. Save those coins; just imagine how much better your pizza’s going to taste on Top Deck!
 
But if you can’t help but spend half of your day at Uni at Courtyard, it’s easy to give into temptation. The easiest way to get around the cost of living? Bring your own food and treat yourself to a coffee. Loads of your friends are in the same boat – literally, if you’ve already booked Sail Croatia. Trust me, nobody’s going to notice if you pull out a Tupperware container of last night’s leftovers instead of your wallet to get lunch.

What about Taste though?

Much like Law Library, Taste is good for pretty much one thing only: finding a potential Law Ball date. Hang around there long enough and you’ll get a date, no doubt. It’s the way to go if you aren’t going to nab a date to Meco or Arts Ball. Sure, the coffee is terrible (seriously, it’s worse than Courtyard’s!) and the staff don’t use gloves when they’re making your baguette, but all of that will be worth it come Law Ball season.

My pro tips? Get your almond milk iced mocha from Courtyard, walk it over to Law Lawns, and sit on the grass until you get spotted by a cutie. Strike up a chat, get their number, and go buy your Ball dress girl!

 At the end of the day, coffee is coffee – much of Courtyard’s appeal is in the Scandi-chic aesthetic. But I swear, if I see any of you at Ralphs, I’m cutting you off.

 

Pulp Editors