Four Ways to Turn Your Significant Other Vegan

WORDS BY SIMONE LA MARTINA

Being vegan can be a tough gig, especially when your significant other just doesn’t understand your lifestyle choices.  Luckily for you, here are four quick and easy steps you can take to show your significant other the light.

  Source: GIPHY

 Source: GIPHY

 

ONE

Do you feel as if your significant other is holding back in terms of fashion? Maybe they just can’t stand the idea of saying goodbye to leather.  Try wearing a piece of lettuce on your head as a hat, to show that you can be vegan and still have a great fashion sense.  Iceberg is generally the best choice – the shape of the leaf is perfect for cupping the skull.

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  Source: GIPHY

 

TWO

Replace the toothpaste with hummus.  Can guarantee once they taste its sweet nectar they will never go back.

THREE

Place a large quantity of sesame seeds in the air-conditioning system.  When the air-conditioning is turned on, they will be blasted with a high calcium surprise that’s sure to leave them begging for more.

FOUR

Ask to be given a blindfolded blowjob.  When the covers are off and the mood is set simply place a vegan sausage into their mouth.  The realisation that fake meat is as good as real meat plays a huge role in the conversion process. 

   Source: GIPHY

  Source: GIPHY

So there you have it, four simple steps to living a better and more harmonious life with your significant other.  Not only do you win, but so do the animals.

 

Pulp Editors