CAN SOMEONE PLEASE, GIVE ME A HAND(LE)!

Instagram handles are the new frontier; a form of advertising yourself; an iconic tag; a brand.

My hands crackle against the dry paste at a ubiquitous house party. In the process I accidentally desecrate a makeshift shrine to cultural mononyms.

Bjork. Madonna. Beyonce. Cher.

I don’t know a single person's name at this party.

I peel my hands off the collage, a final applause to the stars. I approach.

“Oh I love your @, it’s really cool.”

Only their instagram handles.

“Thanks Em O’Brien, I gave it to myself” (I’m a first name, last name person)

But they know mine, I’m @emm.obrienn on instagram, the double m and n are not fooling anyone. What am I saying about myself using my government name as my Instagram handle as a young twenty something? I’m predictable. An open book.

Instagram handles are the new frontier; a form of advertising yourself; an iconic tag; a brand. I’m an easy search on Instagram, unlike many of my contemporaries. There is no mystery, no deep dive required, no running through a mutuals tagged to find me. We meet. You know my Instagram, there is no wild goose chase.

Instagram handles follow the same naming conventions as a bulletproof password needed for your bank. At least 5 characters, one special character, one bonus point if you use a number in place of a l3tt3r, and most importantly UNIQUE!

Confession: I’m a little scared that once I change to an obscure Instagram that I will lose my username forever, as another @emm.obrienn fulfills her next evolution. But also that I will lose a part of myself, my past usernames scattered like horcruxes throughout the world wide web. Admittedly, I have never been good with change; I cried when my grandparents painted their walls from pale blue to white.

I’ve been @em_obrien21, I played around with @0.0.0.obrien but I wasn’t in love with the shape, then finally @emm.obrienn, where we rest today. Not a complete personal revolution in my own branding, as the snapchat username I created at age 12 was @em.obriien. Where have I come in 10 years? I’ve only changed the letters I double in my usernames - so, been there done th@t.

I haven’t yet reached icon status like that of @Bjork, @Madonna, @Beyonce, @Cher, to have a mononymic instagram handle of @Emily — it’s already taken anyway.

Do I have a pun on my name? Use a larger name that includes a variation of Em or Emily? Frame one of my interests? Swap letters for numbers in my name? Take out the vwls? Or take inspiration from the name of a major road or geographical landmark close to where I live? I just want someone to tell me what to do, what would be cool, have zest, but more importantly MOXIE! What will pique people’s interests, cultivate my mystique, allow people to develop a parasocial relationship with me?

How should I evolve?