The Tale of PULP
Editors Note: Issue 31
The storm steadily rages, rolling over the Northern Mountains and deeper into the great Clitoral Forest. As night falls over the Six Kingdoms, a shiver twangs down the cloaked traveler’s spine as she pushes through the brushlands. A welcoming light blooms through the gloaming, guiding the voyager to The Speckled Tit. Betwixt two great pines, the lowly tavern echos a siren song throughout the glen. Eden unfastens her cloak as the body heat of the intimate bar overwhelms her. Patrons turn their heads to inspect the newcomer before returning to their mead and stew. Eden, her sparkling golden hair brushing her heels, finds a seat at the bar.
“One plum wine, please.”
She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her pointed ears as Alex, the tavern-clerk, fishes out a glass.
Next to Eden, a woman strums a sorrowful tune on the lute. The halfling mumbles lyrics to herself, tales of falling cities, towering castles and a faraway land.
“That’s very beautiful.” Eden says.
The bard turns to her neighbor and smirks.
“Thank you. I wrote it myself.”
Harriet takes a sip of her mead before plucking an incredibly elaborate tune.
Behind the bar, Alex notices the exchange and slides the plum wine across.
Over by the fireplace, a woman of inky hair and bright skin smokes a pipe. Shrouded in shadow, her compatriot continues to talk.
“Venus, her purse is right there under the cloak! You cause a distraction by the bar and I’ll sneak by and get it without a hitch!”
Amelia the gnome stands at her full height to persuade her friend. Venus stares in the fire and blows rings of smoke that transform into galloping deer overhead.
“Okay fine. Give me one sec.”
Venus quickly packs her cone.
Meanwhile, Ynes titters into her ox stew.
“And then she says, ‘That's not a Young Copper Dragon—that’s my wife!’”
Her company joins her in laughter as Ynes’ purple horns reflect the candlelight.
“But what did her husband say?” Annabelle asks in glee.
“It didn’t matter! She was already in bed with her!” Ynes retorts.
As they erupt into laughter once more, a kerfuffle by the bar catches their eye.
Venus is laying on the ground, having fallen dramatically.
She wails “My leg! My leg! Someone help me! What are you standing around for, you idiots!”
Harriet jumps to her aid, calling for a medic. Annabelle, the cleric, assists the injured woman on the floor as Venus continues to groan in agony.
Out of the corner of her eye, Ynes detects suspicious movement by the bar. A flash of blonde hair by a stool—and a cheeky gnome.
“Hey!” Ynes shouts and tackles Amelia to the ground, disrupting her attempt to rob the unwitting Eden.
“Get off me, you piece of shit!” Amelia cries as the women thrash on the floor.
“Oi! Don’t touch her!” Venus attempts to pull the ladies apart.
All of the sudden, Annabelle, Harriet and Eden join the hubbub.
“Not in my pub!” Alex screams. She hurdle-jumps over the bar and attempts to claw the women apart, putting her body on the line.
This night would mark the beginnings of a beautiful friendship between these unlikely women. They would go on to create the fifth iteration of a magical university publication, gathering stories from across the Six Kingdoms. Far and wide, this publication would become known as PULP.