“Sometimes I wish I had a million followers. I want people to listen to the songs I post. To think about the lyrics and how they might relate to me. Relate to me!!! So I can figure out who I am.”

“I reckon if I picked flowers the star power sucked from the ground like a naughty talisman — maybe the PH of the soil is altered by the amount of celebritydom decomposing, would my hydrangeas blush prudent pink?”

“Move over Club Penguin, there’s a new horrifically laggy, slightly problematic, bug-riddled, deeply iconic flash game to crash your parents' 2012 HP Spectre on.”